Think for a moment about the last times you have entered a restaurant. Think about the people sitting next to you. Do you remember of any couple?
Now, focus on the mood and vibes that these couples were spreading.
Did they look happy? Were they smiling at each other? Were they looking into their eyes while talking and holding their hands?
Or were they rather silent spreading a feeling of sadness mixed to dissatisfaction?
You know, personally, I really enjoy my own company and often happens to me to go alone to a restaurant to eat. This gives me the opportunity to focus even more on the people around me.
Thinking about the questions I have just made to you, unfortunately, in most of the cases, it happens to me to see unhappy couples. The truth is that right now I wouldn’t be able to remind when I have seen for the last time a couple that looked so in love to make me feel even jealous for how happy they were together. But in the other case, plenty of samples come to my mind. The last one yesterday night.
Hence, I decided to get deeper into the problem in this sleepless night and gather some data.
Imagine that in the US, every year, there are 2.24 million weddings.
While the number of divorces is 0.79 million. It means that every 3 couples that get married one will divorce.
In Italy, the number of divorces from 1991 till today increased by 4 times, while in Poland, where I currently live, in the last year there were 192 thousand weddings and similarly, 63 thousand divorces.
These statistics makes us understand how many people started a relationship that later on turned out not meeting their expectations and because of that, they have finished it.
But be careful here. If out 3 couples, 1 will be the one that divorces because of unhappiness, doesn’t mean that the other 2 are truly happy. In many cases, couples stay together because of other reasons like children, religion, commitment or simply fear.
Why then so many couples end up being unhappy? There must be obviously something wrong in all of this.
I have been wondering for some time on this topic and I found several reasons: I thought that could be partially due to a lack of communication or different expectations, as well as to the spread of new technologies like social media and online dating platforms that increased, without any doubts, the number of temptations and the channels for these temptations to nurture themselves.
But I wasn’t satisfied. A piece to the puzzle was still missing.
There must have been some other reason for which in our society couples don’t live anymore happily ever after.
But then I understood.
The problem is exactly our society.
In Poland, if you are a girl and you are not married before the age of 30, in most of the cases you will be seen as a total failure and your basic life will be considered meaningless. And is not so different neither for guys.
And this is crazy.
People, here, grow up in most of the families with their babcia (grandmother) asking at every family meeting “where is your boyfriend/girlfriend”, “when you will get married”, “you are getting older”, etc, etc, etc. This brings people in Poland, but after all in many other countries that are basically quite conservative, to live like the wedding and the kids are their ultimate goals in life.
Apart from the fact that sounds quite funny the fact that you can reach your life goal at the age of 25 (and what will you do for the rest of your life then?), this ends up creating a big social pressure on these young people.
The result is that they will end up doing the big step, not because of love, not because of emotions and neither because of the feeling that they have found their soulmate, but because of security. Because they have been told for years that this is what they have to do. Because society told them that this was the proper choice to make.
A decision that probably is made with a lot of doubts and hopes that “it will work out with time”.
But in many cases, after not much time instead, those couples, once they have technically reached their much-desired ultimate goal in life, will realise that in the end, this is not what would make them truly happy.
And this is the moment in which the real problem begins.
They will start to feel more and more trapped in a cage. A cage that, even being golden, is still a cage.
And I understand that when you have been investing a lot of time and effort into someone that you want to believe is the right for you, it becomes harder and harder to let go. I understand it because I had the same. Yet, the longer you stay with someone that doesn’t make you truly happy, the harder it will be for you to let go. You will just keep staying unhappy out of comfort zone. But sometimes it’s better to suffer a little in the short-term than it is to suffer a lot in the long-term.
Maybe I’m too romantic, maybe I have too high expectations when it comes to love and maybe I grow up with too many fairy tales. But I grow up also with a very good sample given me by my parents that, still, today, at the age of almost 60 they, go for dinners, holidays or simply for a walk holding each other hands, joking and laughing.
And this is exactly what I look for in a relationship. Because if it doesn’t nurture and feed my soul is after all meaningless.
I wish that people in love would be less wise, less rational and trust more their feelings.
That they would rather look for a soul mate rather than a housemate.
And that they would make such choices because their heart says so, not because society does.
Yet, happiness can probably give you stability, but stability not always can make you happy.
So try to don’t look for security as the main basis of a relationship, because, in most of the cases, the only thing you can be sure about is to end up being unhappy.
After all, is probably much better going to eat to the restaurant alone, that with someone that makes you feel alone inside.
Intuition is real. Vibes are real. Energy doesn’t lie. Trust it.