…Unless you won’t be aware of some things, or you may end up broken as well…
I started to deal with this topic in my early age, when one of my favourite bands, the Maroon 5, realised one of their most popular songs: “She will be loved”.
At that age, my love and relationships knowledge was worse than my English fluency.
Just imagine that to understand the meaning of the song I had to use Google Translate.
“She will be loved” is a song about a complicated love which has as the main characters “the broken smile girl” and a guy that loves her and tries to fix her.
At that time, those lyrics did not make much sense for me until I started to experiment them on my own skin.
The more years were passing, the more relationships I was getting to, the more that words were having a concrete meaning to me.
Maybe I was partially influenced by that song or maybe is because of my character and my being an emotional and passionate lover, who believes in big and special love and in finding “the one”, but right now, thinking about my previous relationships, I can picture my self almost always being the one that was trying to fix a broken person. And maybe is because somehow I’m also attracted by broken birds, thinking that I could make them fly again.
I define my self as a rational person, but when it comes to love I’m incredibly good at losing this skill.
Because when I love, I really love and hence my heart would totally ignore any dysfunction that my mind would detect.
And if you are a romantic person, probably you had to deal with a similar situation too: your love did not allow you to listen to the rational thoughts and you couldn’t be able to say goodbye to something and to someone you weren’t meant to hold on until this relationship did not consume you, maybe leaving you broken as well.
Experience thought me that in the relationships “world” there are two types of people: whole people and broken people.
This status simply depends on the moment of your life in which you will find your self.
The most powerful love comes from two whole people that together are able to create an even better version of themselves.
But when a broken person and a whole person love each other things are much different.
The broken person might try to use the love of the whole person to fill the emptiness in which their brokeness lives, while the whole person will live this relationship with the presumption of being able to fix the person they love simply because they love her or him so much.
Should you love a broken person?
Is neither the broken and the whole person fault’s if their relationship won’t eventually work.
From one side, the broken person love is true, but she doesn’t have simply yet the capacity to fully love as a whole person would need to be loved.
From the other side, the whole person wants only the good for the person he loves and since he loves her, he is just trying to help her, but without really understanding that this doesn’t depend on him at all.
Time will make you both realise this issue and that this situation is just creating a toxic circle in which the broke person is aware that she loves her partner, but not in the way that would make him 100% happy, while the complete person will get frustrated for not being able to help the person he loves and for not being loved in the way he needs to.
Is there a solution to all of this?
I can say yes but is not an easy one.
If you are a broken person dating a complete person, speak to this person continuously and make him aware of all your issues and share them with him, don’t hide them. Tell him that you love him and especially tell him that you don’t love him in the way he needs to and deserves to right now and that you are fully aware of this. Make him understand that this doesn’t depend on you and that especially doesn’t depend on him and tell him that besides you know all of this you still want to give it a try.
I have never been in this side, but as a whole person that tried to love a broken one, this is what I would like to hear.
If you are struggling to love a broken person I can instead truly understand you. I know is frustrating and I know that no matter what you try you are feeling like you are continuously failing. But this is not true. Your intentions are the best ones, but you are just making one simple mistake: you think that you should be the one fixing the person you love, just because you love her, while this not true at all. The only person that can fix a broken person is her self. She should be the one facing alone her demons to find true healing.
Don’t hate her for not being ready to love you and don’t get frustrated for not being able to help her. Otherwise, trying to fix a broken person will break you as well.
If you want to really help the person you love, let her know that you understand her and that you will be there anytime she needs.
Let her know that you are grateful that you met her, besides this maybe did not happen at the right time.
After all, if you love this person, and I mean really love her, you will be also ready to let her go when your mind will suggest you that this is the best thing to do for both of you.
But before that moment will arrive probably the best thing you can do is to keep in mind this quote from the song “She will be loved” that I have mentioned at the beginning of this post:
It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You come any time you want
Loving a broke soul is not gonna be an easy ride. None of us is perfect, no matter if you are broken or not. But compromising on little things, understanding each other and building trust is what moves relationships along. Keep it in mind.